My Husband Thinks I am an Asshole

 

I lack a filter.   I say whatever I want without regard to the audience. This has gotten worse since we have moved to South Carolina.  I have been known to praise Obama in a crowded theater, say Goddammit in a church, and have even managed to say "Fuck yeah," to the pastor at my child's preschool.  And I only become more gregarious when you add alcohol.  But all in fun!

So...  Yesterday I found myself rocking on a friend's dock giggling with others.  The hostess kept my glass full and the kids were rollicking in the lake.  There were a couple of people present that I didn't know, but they were nice enough.  Somehow, I am not sure how, I started talking about a surgeon (I did say his name) who was pushing for a surgery I didn't want.  To get him to back off I said, "I know you, your wife, AND your mistress- you are not going to force me into this. And if you keep trying I will be talking to your wife."   Well, there was a nice gentleman sitting next to me who promptly got up and excused himself.  It turns out, his wife was one of the doctor's mistresses and they are trying to work it out.

I feel like such crap.  As outspoken as I am, I can't stand the idea of hurting someone's feelings.  I want to track him down and apologize, but that would only make the situation worse.  So, I look to my husband to make me feel better.  His response?  "You are such an asshole."

Physical Failings

This week Maia has dance camp.  Of all her activities, dancing is by far her favorite.  Thanks to the closed door policy of her dance school (urgh!) and her goofy 5 year old antics, I have no idea how graceful she is in class.  I do, however know that I took out the sidewalk in front of all the other dance moms.  So, graceful did not come from me.

I don't know if it is the five year in her or what, but if one little thing goes wrong, the whole day is ruined.  After picking her up from camp, I learned that dance class was just HORRIBLE.  She didn't win any of the games and I had failed to teach her how to jump rope or run fast.  Whoa Buckeroo, back up the bus.  Damn, I see another layer of her mommy complex forming. 

I realize all parent have shortcomings, no matter their physical limitations, so how does one overcome them?  We have a jump rope and yes she does suck at it, but trust me: I am not a good role model in this arena.  By the way, don't ask me to hula hoop either.  I think, at least in this regard, it will take a village.

Happy Fourth of July

Maia running after lighting fireworks with Geoff

I watch my Maia’s eyes light up at the mere mention of fireworks.  With her excitement, I am transported back to my own childhood and the Fourth of July.  Beach side fireworks lighting up the sky, igniting my imagination. As I got older, that imagination led to innovation.  Hours were spent trying to figure out how to create the perfect bottle rocket cannon to shoot tiny projectiles across the pond to (or at) neighbors as they aimed their creations in our direction.  I wouldn’t dream of allowing my daughter to do the same, but the world of 20 years ago seemed so different, so carefully and maybe reckless.

When did I grow up?  How did this evolution happen?  Those carefree and muggy South Florida days seem like yesterday and like eons ago.   I have vivid memories of wolfing down charred hot dogs and hamburgers so I wouldn’t miss a moment of the action.  I had to prove that the only girl (and kid with Cerebral Palsy) in the neighborhood could triumph.  I may not have had their physical prowess, but I could certainly out engineer them.  Fourth of July afforded me the opportunity to showcase my talents (built with copious amounts of my father’s help).  I quickly learned to appreciate the beauty of simplicity.    Trust me, a length of PVC pipe with a cap on the base is an effective bottle rocket launcher.  With age, I often find myself in a self-made quagmire of complexities and wonder where I lost Occam’s razor along the way. 

As my daughter grows older, I want her to cherish the simple joys in life.  For me, Fourth of July was a great evening spent with family and friends.  I don’t remember the clothes I wore or the cars people drove, but I do remember how everyone let loose and enjoyed the finer things in life, no matter how simple.