Physical Failings

This week Maia has dance camp.  Of all her activities, dancing is by far her favorite.  Thanks to the closed door policy of her dance school (urgh!) and her goofy 5 year old antics, I have no idea how graceful she is in class.  I do, however know that I took out the sidewalk in front of all the other dance moms.  So, graceful did not come from me.

I don't know if it is the five year in her or what, but if one little thing goes wrong, the whole day is ruined.  After picking her up from camp, I learned that dance class was just HORRIBLE.  She didn't win any of the games and I had failed to teach her how to jump rope or run fast.  Whoa Buckeroo, back up the bus.  Damn, I see another layer of her mommy complex forming. 

I realize all parent have shortcomings, no matter their physical limitations, so how does one overcome them?  We have a jump rope and yes she does suck at it, but trust me: I am not a good role model in this arena.  By the way, don't ask me to hula hoop either.  I think, at least in this regard, it will take a village.

Happy Fourth of July

Maia running after lighting fireworks with Geoff

I watch my Maia’s eyes light up at the mere mention of fireworks.  With her excitement, I am transported back to my own childhood and the Fourth of July.  Beach side fireworks lighting up the sky, igniting my imagination. As I got older, that imagination led to innovation.  Hours were spent trying to figure out how to create the perfect bottle rocket cannon to shoot tiny projectiles across the pond to (or at) neighbors as they aimed their creations in our direction.  I wouldn’t dream of allowing my daughter to do the same, but the world of 20 years ago seemed so different, so carefully and maybe reckless.

When did I grow up?  How did this evolution happen?  Those carefree and muggy South Florida days seem like yesterday and like eons ago.   I have vivid memories of wolfing down charred hot dogs and hamburgers so I wouldn’t miss a moment of the action.  I had to prove that the only girl (and kid with Cerebral Palsy) in the neighborhood could triumph.  I may not have had their physical prowess, but I could certainly out engineer them.  Fourth of July afforded me the opportunity to showcase my talents (built with copious amounts of my father’s help).  I quickly learned to appreciate the beauty of simplicity.    Trust me, a length of PVC pipe with a cap on the base is an effective bottle rocket launcher.  With age, I often find myself in a self-made quagmire of complexities and wonder where I lost Occam’s razor along the way. 

As my daughter grows older, I want her to cherish the simple joys in life.  For me, Fourth of July was a great evening spent with family and friends.  I don’t remember the clothes I wore or the cars people drove, but I do remember how everyone let loose and enjoyed the finer things in life, no matter how simple.

Getting into gear

• Little known Misty fact:  I love bicycle riding.  If you see me in the gym, chances are I am on a bike (or bellied up to the smoothie bar).  
• Well known Misty fact:  I have NO balance.  You can breathe on me and I will dramatically fall to the ground, taking many breakable things down with me.

This just doesn't cut it anymore

Hence the dilemma:  How does a person with no balance, but an overabundance of pride and ego realize the joys of bike riding?  Add to that the issue of not having a bike friendly neighborhood, one finds that tricycles aren't really an option because you can't just throw them on a bike rack and go.  And speaking of throwing it on the bike rack:  while I often amaze (or creep out) with my upper body strength, I have to be able to place a bicycle gently onto my car without damaging the bike, the car, or myself.

Luckily for me: I married an engineer. Now I would never dream of asking Geoff to put together a child's toy, but I think he could totally rock something without directions. But I have been able to find some ingenious options like this Gavin Smith concept: 

Here is what I vaguely requested (of anyone who will listen):

I am pretty sure that I can ride a two wheeled bike- once I get my balance.  I think I may be able to stop unscathed (though disembarking is risky).  So I need stabilizers, but don't want permanent training wheels.   I want a bike with training wheels that will magically disappear when I get my balance (I am willing to press a button).

Please pass this along because I need more ideas.  Maia really loves her bike and I'd love to be able to take her out (Running is not an option).

Help make my mommy as cute as me

The Cutest Dramatist...

So as I type, Maia is playing her heart out.  But, alas just a few short minutes ago, she was beside herself with grief and I really wasn't sure how to handle it.  It seems that she just noticed there is something wrong with me.  I think she has always recognized that my gait is different and that I require help walking sometimes, but she never equated that as aberrant.  I don't really know why today was any different: her friends have pointed out that I walk differently before or asked about the walker/crutches.

Of course there is no right way to handle this problem.  My solution (at least right now) is to keep her talking about her feelings, which at 5 are pretty hard for her to articulate.  My goal is to keep her talking so if there is something I can do, I will know. And as a parent, who wouldn't want to keep an open dialogue?

Sleep Well, My Dear

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

-Steven Wright

I am a sleeper.  I love sleep.  I know several people who would argue that you shouldn't sleep your life away, and while I see their point, my bed is just too cozy to resist.  I have a weakness for bedding that paralyzes me.  I have more pajamas than dresses. But at the same time, I am a horrible sleeper.  It takes me a long time to go to sleep and if you wake me up mid-sleep, I am screwed (and you are too).  So you can imagine the kink a child threw into my habits.

For the last four and a half years I have mourned the loss of my sleep to anyone who will listen.  Early after Maia's birth, Geoff and I knew that we would no longer cuddle together as we drifted off to sleep.  Maia's tears would drive me to tears, so she was quickly picked up every time she cried.  Once I got my hormones into check (ha!), this pattern was already set for her and she would have it no other way.  In an earlier post I mentioned Maia's tenacious ability to get what she wants, especially at bed time.   Our current routine is that either Geoff or I will read to Maia in her bed until she drifts off.  Truth be told, if Geoff reads to her, he often falls asleep before she does.  I wouldn't begrudge this arrangement too much if she would stay in bed, but often she is in our bedroom a few hours later kicking me in the nose and stealing all of the covers.  

And now we have the post potty trained nigh time accident to contend with.  If said accident occurs, the WHOLE family is woken up to handle the mess.  And whereas Maia and Geoff can quickly fall back asleep, I am left to ponder life's great mysteries until the alarm clock goes off.  For a person craves sleep as much as I do, this behavior really cramps my style the next day.

Oh and just in case you were wondering, the answer to life's question is still 49....

Maia after Dentist

My adorable four year old took a trip to La-La Land yesterday and revealed Mommy's Achilles Heel.  Apparently, I am calm under pressure except when it involves my child hallucinating.  By now you all have seen the viral video of "David After Dentist,"  well our experience was a little more intense (at least in my opinion).

Maia helping the dentist 

Unfortunately Maia has weak enamel on her over crowded teeth and chips them fairly regularly resulting in a disproportionate number of cavities.  I can honestly say that we have paid more for the care of her "baby teeth" than has been paid for mine over the course of my lifetime.  So yesterday we found ourselves sitting in the dentist office getting her at least her 7th cavity taken care of.  There was some type of miscommunication between me and the dental staff, because I was not expecting what happened next.  About 5 minutes after Maia takes her medication (it turned out to be Versed and an antihistamine), she goes limp and can't talk intelligently.  All this was supposed to happen. But we had never done this before, all of our previous fillings were: 1. Drink something to take the edge off  2. Nitrous Oxide and 3. Local anesthetic.  Panicked, I call in the dentist (I am peeved I was greeted by the hygienist, but too little too late).  I am told that this is to be expected and I should go wait in the waiting room and they will come for me in 20-25 minutes.  I gather my emotions and go to the waiting room.  

The time passes quickly and when I get called back, Maia is fidgety, but still out of it.  She keeps pointing to a "pink hippopotamus" on the ceiling that wasn't there.  The dentist says that hallucinations and fatigue will occur, to call with concerns, and that within 6 hours she will be back to her old self.  We are sent on our way.  I am frustrated because I can't carry her, she is just too fidgety for me to manage. Normally, she would be able to walk out on her own.  I have never missed the five point harness more than I did yesterday.  She continued to unbuckle her seat belt and slither to the floor.  The dentist office is less than a mile a way from my house, but it took us at least 15 minutes to get home.  My anxiety gets the best of me and I am a ball of nerves.  I get her inside the house and like a dumb ass put her on my super tall bed.  She unintelligibly babbles about something on the ceiling and I allow her to throw her slippers at it (She stood no chance of winning an aiming contest that day).  Then she insisted on getting down.  I thought, "What could be the harm?" Crash, there goes her head into the dresser.  Oops, how am I going to explain the rug burn on her face?

Stoner Maia

Anyone who spoke with me at that time knew I was a mess- Well shit is about to hit the fan.  Maia starts screaming that mommy's face is melting.  Then I know for sure the tears were streaming and it may have looked like it.  I call Geoff, in tears, and tell the site secretary he is needed home right away.  I mean, we aren't talking rainbows and pretty colors here.  After it appeared as though Maia had focused on something other than my morphing, I picked her up and held her on the couch.  She wasn't all too cool with it, but she was starting to relax.  When Geoff finally got home, she almost immediately crashed in his arms after feebly trying to catch butterflies with a faint smile on her face. Well, this got me a lecture on making mountains out of mole hills and how busy work is... blah blah blah.  Next filling is all you dear...

PS: Maia's only memory from yesterday was that it was hard to walk.  Tell me about it dear.

Peeing in a Concrete Jungle

It is Ottenberg family vacation time and the itinerary has me quaking in my boots.  Right now, Maia and I are holed up in a hotel in Downtown Atlanta while Geoff attends a conference during the day. Yesterday, she and I went to the Children's Museum and the Georgia Aquarium and a day of fun and excitement. Phew, I am paying for it today!  

Museum's Fairytale Exhibit

Penguins!!!!

Getting away from home has been so nice, but I wish we didn't have the pups with us.  Being in the middle of a concrete jungle means that there is no place nearby to walk Pepper and Chupí.  As per our agreement, dog walking duty falls on Geoff's shoulders.  Yet, my dumb-ass decided to help out last night, and walked Chups on my own after dinner.  It was my first attempt at dog walking since I've become dependent on crutches.  And yes, Maia came with me.

The three of us set out for our adventure in a light drizzle during the early evening, but late enough that there were few others on the street.  Chupí refused to pee on fire hydrants or the side of the building, so we walked on.  Maia was in charge of the poop bags.  Little did I know, we were in a modern day adaptation of Hansel & Gretel.  As we walked, she unrolled bags to make sure we didn't get lost.  We made it to the corner of the block when I hear an, "Uh oh, Mommy." Oh those fateful words send shivers down my spine.  She ran out of her path medium.  Luckily the rain made the bags stick to the sidewalk.  In my mind's eye, I imagine I looked like that guy from "There's Something about Mary."  It took me FOR-EV-ER to balance and bend down, pick up, and roll/fold up those damn bags!

Occupy Atlanta has taken up residence in the nearest park, so there were too many barricades for me to attempt a trip to the park with the kid, dog, and crutch in the rain and dark.  So, however illegal it may be, I tempted Chupí up into a building's landscaping to do his business. Take that Big Business....