Rarely, do I have such presence of mind to retort wittily, rather I tend either to melt into the feeble minded person they expected or ignore the comment altogether. But, when it comes to perceived questioning of my parenting abilities, my patience has been tested to the brink and I have lost the ability to laugh it off. I realize that interlopers are doing so with the best intentions, but it makes my blood boil. Example:
About a month ago, I took Maia to the zoo. She capitalized on my weakness, and ran up the stairs waiting to see if I will be able to follow. When I wasn't, she refused to come down. **Note to all new parents: Beware, they can smell weakness.** Quick as a flash, an older woman marched up the steps and led Maia down. I graciously accepted her help, because I didn't have a plan yet. However, Maia showed her hand too soon, I realized she was in a precocious mood and planned our route/rules accordingly. What I hadn't planned on, was that the woman and her entourage would shadow us throughout our visit, and that the woman would correct Maia the moment she stepped over her boundaries. I am a capable parent, Maia was warned that if she pulled such shenanigans again, we would be going home. But, as I have adapted to my disability, so has Maia. We do things differently and my "helper" merely confused Maia until she was a mess. Which proved to the nice lady that I needed her help. Correlation does not equal causation.Am I over sensitive? Probably. I am not one to confront such Good Samaritans. Their actions come from the heart, why should my pride stand in their way? But, even logic fails must when it comes to pride. It should be enough that I know I am doing good, but why kid myself....
I have been there: http://www.disabledmom.com/2010/03/id-perfer-you-didnt.html
ReplyDeleteAlso, all the disabled moms I know have, I have to wonder if people behave differently around men? You're not oversensitive or if you are you have a ton of company.
Katie- I'm horrible because I don't remember on which comment I read this, but you asked something to the effect of "I wonder if they treat disabled dads this way..." Here is my somewhat irreverent response. No, Mommies are still viewed as the primary caregivers. Wrangling with the kiddos is our domain and if we appear as though we can't run faster than the kids, we shouldn't parent solo.
ReplyDeleteI feel awful for feeling this way, and probably should not speak, but you know my demented brain... I think that maybe just maybe, the men are thought to have gotten their disabilities in a more nobler way...