The Cutest Dramatist...

So as I type, Maia is playing her heart out.  But, alas just a few short minutes ago, she was beside herself with grief and I really wasn't sure how to handle it.  It seems that she just noticed there is something wrong with me.  I think she has always recognized that my gait is different and that I require help walking sometimes, but she never equated that as aberrant.  I don't really know why today was any different: her friends have pointed out that I walk differently before or asked about the walker/crutches.

Of course there is no right way to handle this problem.  My solution (at least right now) is to keep her talking about her feelings, which at 5 are pretty hard for her to articulate.  My goal is to keep her talking so if there is something I can do, I will know. And as a parent, who wouldn't want to keep an open dialogue?

Poor Geoff

As I write, we are en route to my husband’s family “compound.”  As usual I’m not necessarily looking forward to the trip because I feel the need to be “less handicapped” visiting my husband’s family and friends.  I should point out right now, that this need is coming solely from me, and not necessarily anything Geoff’s family has said or done.

I recently read a blog post from a fellow disabled blogger listing her privileges.  One of her wishes is that when she and a significant other go out together, others would not feel sorry him.  I never really knew how to describe why I felt uncomfortable around Geoff’s family, but I think she hit the nail on the head.  I take every, “You work so hard” or “Poor Geoff” moment as a direct insult and reference to my own shortcomings as a wife.

Admittedly, this is a result of my own self-esteem issues. Do others think this when they see Geoff and me together? Probably, but why do I care?  I should be comfortable enough in my own skin.  Clearly, I’m not. But, hey a girl can dream can’t she….

Inquire Within.....

In my previous post, I talked about the the unsolicited help I get from strangers and how I felt that I was overly sensitive. My sensitivity stems not only from the perceived scrutiny of others, but my mostly me.  When Maia and I are out in public, I have to be pretty calculating and often fall into the trap of second guessing myself. So when a someone chimes in, as irrational as it is, they have hit my Achilles Heel, thus proving that I should not be left alone with Maia.  Worse yet, these people may just be being nice, but in my heightened state, I condemn them as doubters of The All Powerful Misty.
To those seeking a solution to such a dilemma, you are SOL. As crippling as self doubt can be, I think it is something that makes me a decent parent.  I don't portend to know what I doing makes me the perfect mama and I am more willing to scrap what's not working in favor of Plan B. Hey, wait.... Maybe I am perfect...